A Black Torment of Unfulfillment
What was man living for? Was death life’s sole destination and was marriage the only purpose in ‘tangible life’ one had to fulfil? And what was the measure of that ‘fulfillment’? And why it was enough for grandparents and even parents to indulge in love so passionately without thinking much any further about the role they were supposed to play in life?
To these and a number of other questions Ursula was searching answers for and yet could not give any definite ones. There was one thing that was so hard for Ursula to perceive: it was that “the immemorial life at the Marsh and the close intimacy of the farm kitchen”1 were also one’s fulfillments, Tom’s and Lydia’s, as well as Anna’s and Will’s. At the same time it is impossible fully to assert that for example Ursula’s grandfather Tom Brangwen or Will, his son-in-law, were fully contented. At times beauty, which was surrounding all of them, could be inspiring, but only some. But what for? And what to? That was the major question which was tried to be answered and yet never could be, by Tom Brangwen and Anna (daughter of Lydia and her first husband) and her children, except for one, Ursula… But what way her ancestors had had to make to bring her to realization of life’s purpose: education, and intelligence, and striving for one’s place under the sun – these were and would always remain essentials composing personality! Because it is possible to confirm that the way made by Tom Brangwen was that one towards realization, which though, still could not be carried out. Was not it the attempt to comprehend what part one was constituting when Tom tried to muse, which was also not spontaneous at all: after having experienced kind of elation when living with his Polish wife, he still could not gain placidity and content, because he had felt that there should have been something else inspiring people for something. To what and why, Tom definitely could not give the precise answer. So what was his purpose in his aimless life?…
- A Black Torment of Unfulfillment
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