My Roommate Ernie

Consider the odds: being given a roommate half the world away who was born in the same hospital as you (in my case back in Loserpeg) and on the same date to boot (albeit 26 years apart). This could be used to argue the underlying cause for my contempt for the man. Admittedly, I feel self-conscious as it is every time I look in the mirror and notice the increasing grey of my temples. But to have to share lodgings with someone whose IQ is exquisitively reflected in his appearance is too much. Do we simply share statistics? Am I looking at myself 3 decades from now? Granted, I could never allow myself to gain three times my current size as he has which he moves at a forward incline, in slippers that never completely leave the floor but which he allows to drag across the floor as he shuffles himself along. …